Silence is laying alone in your bed.

Hearing nothing but the ringing in your ears and voice in your head- enough to make you go deaf.

Thinking of what could have been. The sound of you grinding your teeth sounds like gunshots with every movement.

That is nighttime silence

 

Silence is taking showers.

Boiling water falling onto your body and your knees hugged to your chest – sobbing, punching the walls, floor, eager to be heard.

But your calling is not recognized as one in need of help.

You need someone, but no one is there.

That is shower time silence.

 

Silence is waking up in a cold, darkroom.

Panting as if you have just run a marathon.

Feeling paralyzed, but you can still hear the sobs shrieking out of you.

Laying there, thinking of what comes next in this shit-hole if your life, while crying alone – the painful kind of tears.

That is the middle of the night silence.

 

Silence is walking around with headphones in.

Music blasting through Apple Earbuds with a sweater in hand, walking class to class, hoping today would be better than yesterday.

A day where your smile was full of shit and your looks were just for show.

Praying that today would be different.

That is school silence.

 

Silence is sitting with your family.

Talking and laughing as if you are not hurting inside.

As if your feet are not aching from working all day as if school is not eating away at you.

Laughing without meaning.

Only for the purpose to show that you are fine – you are not fine.

Head is aching from all the bull shit that has to be put up with.

That is family time silence.

 

Silence is lurking on social media.

Lurking on your crush’s Instagram, finding out he follows people you hate.

People who are prettier and better than you are.

Feeling like you will never be anything more than just a follower to them.

Talking to long-time best friends, but feeling the tension time has brought upon us – it sucks.

That is mid-day silence.

 

Silence is reading your textbooks.

Flipping page after page, waiting for the unit to come to an end.

Remembering what you could be doing while doing what you are supposed to be doing, which is causing you stress and anxiety.

Heart racing as your fingernails dig into your palms, thinking; “is this wasting my time?”

That is studying time silence.

 

Silence is making to-do lists.

Taking the time out of your day to write down everything that needs to get done, and realizing you are screwed.

Head pounding, hands shaking, and heart racing, but it must be dealt with all alone.

That is productivity silence.

 

 

Silence is writing.

Hearing the scratching sound of pencil on paper as you ragingly write out all the things you wish could be said aloud – no one is there to listen.

Writing out feelings and thoughts that are too deep to be said aloud.

As some people say – some things are better left unsaid, and so that is where writing allows your hand to take care of all those feelings.

That is writing time silence.

 

So what is silence you ask?

Well, my silence is different than yours.

I feel silence internally, not when there is nothing going on around me.

I feel silence when I am alone with my thoughts and to be brief and honest, I feel silence everywhere I go.

It is not that bad, I would rather be with myself than with people who make me feel judged, uncomfortable and like I have to have my mask on.

I do not mind the silence.

 

 

Okay, this is honestly one of my favorites pieces that I have written so far this year. It reflects everything that goes on in my head, as weird as that sounds, and every time I read over it, I am taken back by how powerful it is. I wrote it one night during spring break when I couldn’t sleep, and I only had to make minor adjustments to it when I was posting it. It’s weird because when I couldn’t sleep that night and before I took out my journal, I had formulated how I wanted to write this. When inspiration hits, there is nothing that will stop you from writing something great. I hope you guys reading this enjoyed it!

 

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